AFL assumes control, appoints Paul Roos Prime Minister

Following the inconclusive results from the weekend’s Federal election, the AFL Commission has stepped in and appointed Paul Roos Prime Minster.

The extraordinary step is similar to the AFL’s recent interventions into poorly run clubs.

“Basically, we’ve got a lot of experience dealing with poorly run adminstrations. It’s obvious after almost a decade of instability, we need to get things on the right track,” said AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan.

“The members, sorry voters of Australia want some hope their team is on the right track.

“We wouldn’t call this a coup, more an investment in making Australia capable of competing for a premiership again.”

Under the arrangements, the AFL Commission will replace the Governor-General as head of state, while the position of Prime Minister will become ‘senior coach.’

Cabinet will become ‘the leadership group’ and Question Time will instead be a media conference, commencing with the playing of the Australian anthem and the leadership group running through a banner,

The banner will actually be a scaled down version of a Senate ballot paper to enable it to fit in the media conference room at AFL House.

New Senior Coach of Australia Paul Roos said he had a clear mandate to get the right ‘systems and processes in place’ and would be focusing on getting the fundamentals right first.

“It’s clear we need to work on our structures, especially when under pressure. Far too often the country is in the position to win and manages to turn it over.”

“I’d also like to see the members of the leadership group actually set an example, especially when it comes to accountability and hard ball gets.”

Roos said he was already working on appointing his successor.

“We’ve got a clear agenda that we need to get through the AFL Executive when Parliament resumes, focusing heavily on jobs, introducing ‘dynamic’ taxation, banning the NRL and unlocking the potential of stadium redevelopments to rejuvenate communities.”

“We’ve also got a comprehensive equalisation policy, which is like communism but won’t affect people living in Hawthorn or Geelong and we’re committed to investing significantly in Western Sydney.”

Mr McLachlan said that while the AFL couldn’t guarantee consistency in its decision making, it would at least ensure the country turned a profit.

“We’ll have no problem raising greater revenue off the backs of voters, it’s kind of our thing.”

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  1. JosephShizbags

    I’d like to nominate Susan Alberti for Monarch

  2. Billious

    Oh for goodness sake why stop there abolish the state Governments (at last we rid Victorians from voting in someone who spends a billion on almost digging a hole) appoint Sam Newman as deputy coach( to run local Government as mayor of Melbourne) Ron Barrassi as Governor General (a Statesman at least) Demetrio as the Whip ( he loves cracking one and he cant screw up footy again if he has a real job) Steve Danks as Minister for Health, Gary Lyon as Minister of Foreign Affairs, James Hird as Attorney General (more experience in Court than most lawyers),  Lance Franklin as Treasurer (no one has more experience with larger sum of money), Paul Little Minister for Media and Public Relations, (if he cant invent and/or control spin no one can),  Mick Malthouse  Minister for Infrastructure (if he can wreck old infrastructure as quickly as he wrecked Carlton the Country will save billions on destroying old infrastructure to replace it with new), Robbie Muir as Minister for Police and Law Enforcement (try picking a fight at your peril), Phil Carman as Minister for Trade (been traded more than most), Damian Hardwick as Minister of the Environment (at last hes forced to clean up Richmond)and finally Mark Jacko Jackson as Minister of Arts and Entertainment.

  3. MiloC

    Finally, common sense prevails.  Could the AFL also please appoint someone to run (whats left of) Great Britain following Brexit please.

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