The AFL has announced an ‘inner city’ themed game in response to the weekend’s country game between Essendon and Geelong.
AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan said the aim was to honour the ‘godless, hedonistic, left wing, bleeding heart people that make up the inner city’.
“While country people are salt of the Earth and the backbone of this great nation, inner city people are drug addicts and young professionals, usually both.”
“If it was up to them, the country would be an open shooting gallery for the heroin pouring through our open borders via refugees.”
“We choose to honour them because they have considerable discretionary spending power despite often looking like homeless people.”
Each year, the game will be played between the teams Ross Lyon and Paul Roos are coaching to simulate the ‘congestion’ of the inner city.
“We’ll be serving all kinds of inner city foods: sliders, beer in mason jars, artisanal meat pies, cold brew coffee and kimchi tacos. All at ridiculously inflated prices of course, so normal for us and the inner city types won’t notice any difference,” said McLachlan.
“Outside the MCG there will be a farmers’ market, bike repair shop, barber and countless food trucks, which are normally there but we’ve got them to just say everything’s organic for the day.”
“We’ve got a mock graffiti filled alley set up outside with a real dumpster in it to provide an authentic feel.”
Public transport will be available but no car parking on the day.
“The game is a great way for us to say, ‘You bearded and/or tattooed hipsters contribute nothing to society but we’ll happily take your money’.”