AFL announces ‘inner city’ theme game

The AFL has announced an ‘inner city’ themed game in response to the weekend’s country game between Essendon and Geelong.

AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan said the aim was to honour the ‘godless, hedonistic, left wing, bleeding heart people that make up the inner city’.

“While country people are salt of the Earth and the backbone of this great nation, inner city people are drug addicts and young professionals, usually both.”

“If it was up to them, the country would be an open shooting gallery for the heroin pouring through our open borders via refugees.”

“We choose to honour them because they have considerable discretionary spending power despite often looking like homeless people.”

Each year, the game will be played between the teams Ross Lyon and Paul Roos are coaching to simulate the ‘congestion’ of the inner city.

“We’ll be serving all kinds of inner city foods: sliders, beer in mason jars, artisanal meat pies, cold brew coffee and kimchi tacos. All at ridiculously inflated prices of course, so normal for us and the inner city types won’t notice any difference,” said McLachlan.

“Outside the MCG there will be a farmers’ market, bike repair shop, barber and countless food trucks, which are normally there but we’ve got them to just say everything’s organic for the day.”

“We’ve got a mock graffiti filled alley set up outside with a real dumpster in it to provide an authentic feel.”

Public transport will be available but no car parking on the day.

“The game is a great way for us to say, ‘You bearded and/or tattooed hipsters contribute nothing to society but we’ll happily take your money’.”

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  1. McSeanD

    TitusOReily great concept….pretty sure Essendon will still be looking to be involved in this “new initiative”…

  2. Sam Pauley

    Hey that’s not fair, country people choose to live in remote areas making them better than everyone else!

  3. Grant Haye

    If anyone thinks this is a serious post.. I pitty you..

  4. Titus O'Reily

    Whatever do you mean? All my posts are serious.

  5. Jim Woodcock

    I’ll start growing my beard out in preparation.

  6. Jim Woodcock

    I’d also like to propose that before the game, the PA system should only play bands no one has ever heard of.

  7. Matt Landy

    Essendon have to be involved. Every themed game has them because they’re the idea of that spud Sheedy.

  8. Narelle Evans Italiano

    Titus please give us something drenched in sarcasm re hawks/umpires winning in tassie. What a disgrace U0001f620U0001f620U0001f620U0001f620

  9. Tassy Kontogiannis

    Good to see the guy who used to paint the Lethal Weapon windows outside video stores is still working.

  10. Paddy Ryan

    “While country people are salt of the Earth and the backbone of this great nation, inner city people are drug addicts and young professionals, usually both.” Nick Mendes

  11. Nicholas Wanless

    Michael Holland some of the best from Titus. The YP’s and drug addicts, usually the same people

  12. Ian Swann

    Will both teams all have beards, wear black jumpers and drink skinny lattes at half time?

  13. Andy Mašanauskas

    I’m offended that there’s no suburbs game, but I look forward to the sure to be scintillating semi-rural minor business district match

  14. RhombusHatesYou

    TitusOReily Everyone deserves the chance to sip coffee from a thimble while sitting in a ‘piss soaked alley with dead junkie motif’.

  15. Aaron Grogs

    like an afl logo but the a replaced with a h for hawthorn

  16. Kelwyn Richard Chaston

    Junkys versus hipsters, Richmond are representing where are you Fitzroy?

  17. Kadie Said

    Lol okay now I’ve read it. I saw the title before and just assumed 🙂

  18. mattyob16

    TitusOReily emmasq
    AFL announces a game of footy that will actually use the AFL rules… #ItWillSellOut #AFLBluesDogs

  19. DanRobMat

    TitusOReily emmasq what about a coastal themed game? Surfboards and zinc cream U0001f3c4U0001f3c4U0001f3c4U0001f3c4

  20. Raph Kardachi

    All players to wear skinny jeans and grow ginger beards.

  21. Teresa Glenn

    So when is Ross Lyon or Paul Roos coaching Essendon…….

  22. Gary Bruce

    Yea, the way the umps made that Saints ruckman miss a goal attempt from right in front was disgusting

  23. Narelle Evans Italiano

    Yeah Gary that was the incident I was talking about

  24. scarce_sense

    TitusOReily perhaps one day they could even have a football themed game.

  25. ThemAgain1

    TitusOReily beers will be served in empty jam jars, they will play with scarves and Uni students will be employed to complain at the breaks

  26. Damian Stubbs

    Lyndon Stubbs
    Thought you’d like this after the country game.

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