2016 Census results released

Due to the relatively small amount of people who managed to complete the Census, the results have become available surprisingly quickly.

They reveal an intriguing snapshot of what Australia is like in 2016. Here are just a few of the findings:

  • There are seven people living in Australia; down from a peak of 24 million
  • Australia now has no children, meaning massive saving to the education budget
  • All seven Australians listed their status as married, meaning means at least one person is breaking the law and has a lot of explaining to do
  • No one has internet access
  • Everyone now drives to work, justifying years of underspending on public transport
  • The only languages spoken in Australia are English and Swahili
  • No one lives in Tasmania or Adelaide anymore, consistent with predicted trends
  • No one needs ongoing care, justifying years of health cuts
  • The majority of Australians are employed in a bakery in Parramatta
  • Alarmingly, no one works in defence or law enforcement anymore
  • There has been a significant plunge in religious belief with only one in seven Australians identifying as ‘Jedi’
  • No Australians work in the public service anymore, which makes sense given the way the Census went


  1. LynnMorello

    Hahahahaha, I forgot to post mine… It’ll be a bit late.

  2. angela coral eisenhauer

    Just got my form today!    16th August,   only a week late!

  3. angela coral eisenhauer

    No only no internet, no mail system either!  well don’t Mr Turdball.

  4. angela coral eisenhauer

    Not only no internet, no mail service anymore either,  well don’t Mr Turdball.

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